Well, well, well….
I don’t think anyone or anything could have quite helped me prepare for this new life. It was like trying to explain marriage to a single, or trying to explain sky diving to a “land” lover, it just doesn’t compute. There is NO point of reference in the unmarried, unchilded, un-airborne life to say oh yeah I can relate this new “status” to…..mmmmm……er…..to nothin’!
of course, that’s just this silly girl’s opinion of the matter…
Wow- my life is no longer what it used to be, i grieved for a year. I really think that was a big part of what was going on. I was mildly depressed as soon as we moved from Cartersville, GA to Austin, TX. The moment my momma said good bye having helped us move and settle in a bit, it was bye bye to any growing feelings of confidence in my new status, life, way…
I’m kind of done grieving i think. My son will be 15 months on the 20th of July! Man how time has flown.
I now feel like a part of me is ready to give in a much smaller capacity than before my 24-7 new role. I hate to call it a job. it makes mommahood sound tasky, and not fun. (I’m sure all people don’t feel like their jobs are tasky and not fun, but maybe, i dunno, just sayin’)
Com’mon if i were to say that reading my Bible was a “JOB” then everyone would totally go, “oh i know what you mean”…..so that’s what I mean.
Being a mom is magical, miracle, momentous….its 100% time consuming, and 100% gratifying. Watching my son grow before my eyes is simply amazing. I used to wake up and say, “I can’t believe i’m a mom” as i looked at this little creature that depended on me for everything. I haven’t said that in a while, which is testament to me coming to fill up those shoes much more healthily. (is healthily a word?)
He makes me smile and laugh every day. I can not get over the amount of love that God gives to moms (and daddies) for their babies, its undeniably a revealed force to be reckoned with. I’ve heard people say, “I can’t believe I can love anyone this much.” “yeah, me too.”
I’m thankful to be over my funk. It was a hard transition to go to everything “new” without time, the “know-how” or emotional health to get out and meet people, and make friends, or to even build relationships. For the first year of Zachary’s life he was my excuse to not have to do anything. He wasn’t an excuse in the same way, one calls in sick with a faulty excuse to watch a football game, but really I couldn’t quite figure out “how” to do anything else….
I never thought it was going to end….but it did…I am in the processes of figuring things out. Sometimes I want to dive in head first, but then i look over my shoulder and i remember that my son is still up near the top of the priority list which means other things fall below it. God first, hubby, son, family, church…
All I can say really is that I understand now, I GET IT NOW, i see it now, I totally feel with parents in the “ministry dilemna”….I get it yet i don’t have an answer except one word….”seasons”….There is a time for everything under the sun, a wise guy said something like that once :) (Ecclesiastes 3:1 : King Solomon the wisest man on the planet)
So now begins a new chapter….
Have you ever seen someone trying to catch their balance on a beam? tipping, struggling, grimacing, biting their lip, tottering, trying desperately not to fall…that was my year….
Have you ever seen a surfer who is just above a novice? smiling, riding the wave, steady, concentrating, having a good time, crashing but not afraid to keep at it…that’s the beginning of this new chapter
Praise the Lord Jesus for His faithful, never failing love, His new mercy each new day, His un-equaled sacrifice to give me eternal life, His grace to live a life worth living….Thank you Lord.
yo mama is a nice lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!